Someone I know has a Bigfoot.
It’s hard to believe, but true.
So, knowing that if there is one Bigfoot in the world, there are two, and where there are two, there are Bigfoot children and grandchildren, aunts, uncles and cousins.
I want a Bigfoot too. My very own.
Or at least I think I do.
I did some research online, just to make sure it’s okay to have them around.
There is an awful lot of Bigfoot info, sightings, photos, and whatnot on the internet. I’d almost say the internet invented Bigfoot, but since he’s been around since the dawn of humans, at least according to Indian cave paintings and legends, I guess he can’t be an internet invention.
I learned that Bigfoots have a special affinity for horses.
Well, I have horses.
I read that they braid horse manes and tails.
I’ve become convinced that Bigfoot made a big mess out of both my mares manes, which took me two days and a bath to fix. He not only braided them, but tied them in knots so tight I had to buy a special shampoo and a rat-tailed comb to untie them.
And he won’t stay out of their water troughs. I constantly find pine cones, goat berries, walnuts, cedar bark, sticks, drowned bugs and baby chicks floating in the tanks, which are always half empty, and the ground is soaked like children have been playing in the water.
My horses hate getting their feet wet, and have never played in their water troughs. Ever.
So, based on my internet learnings, and my own observations, I decided to go looking in the forest for more evidence and to meet my Bigfoot, in case I have one.
I thought I’d offer him some goat cheese since I have so much of it right now.
I left the cheese in the woods on a plate.
I checked again 3 days later and not even the bugs had touched it.
Anyway, I found a chewed up foam mattress scattered all over the place, a few pots and pans around an old fire pit, lots of alcohol bottles and some ladies shoes.
If Bigfoot is an alcoholic I think I’ve got him made, but I doubt he wears shoes, even the girl Bigfoots, and I’ve not heard of them using fire.
But, they are probably on the evolutionary upswing, so it’s possible.
I didn’t get to see any of them in person though. I was thinking if they are nocturnal, maybe I’d run up on a pile of them sleeping in the woods during the day?
I’m still wondering what happened to that Bigfoot they showed on TV a couple years ago that they captured and put in a freezer.
Did they let him go?
While I was making observation notes, I remembered that last summer I found a dead rooster at the back of the goat pasture. Based on my new knowledge I figure that Bigfoot caught the rooster, wrung his neck, and was getting ready to jump the fence and head back home with an easy dinner when our massive, white hairy, livestock guardian dog, Malachai woke up and startled the heck out of the Bigfoot who then dropped his rooster on the way out and never came back to get it.
All in a days work for Malachai, who has apparently become close friends with the Bigfoot since the rooster incident, and has been letting him braid his hair.
My advice is that if you have a dog with hair 5 inches long, you don’t let Bigfoot mess with it. You’ll never be able to untangle the mess. He likes to decorate his braids with briars and bits of pine bark and needles with lots of dirt thrown in. He apparently eats the fleas though as we haven’t been able to find a single flea or even a tick on either one of the dogs.
I guess that would be the only benefit to letting Bigfoot play with your dog.
Inconclusive as this may seem, I’m still set on finding our Bigfoot. I’m going to try some eggs the next time for bait. A few boiled and peeled as well as raw. They are getting pretty hard to find around here since 5 of the 8 hens we have went broody and are setting on approximately 400 eggs. I tried to set each one up with a dozen, but that wasn’t good enough, they kept on collecting more and more and are now having an egg-setting party. The first chicks are hatching right now.
I don’t think even Bigfoot would dare cross one of those mean old hens to take one of her chicks.
And, since I haven’t been able to see Bigfoot in MY backyard, I’m assuming he must be in YOURS!
Have you seen him? If so, please send him home. I’d really like him to try my cheese.